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Today is my ex-husband’s birthday. The second ex, for those keeping track at home. For some reason, he is weighing heavily on my heart and on my mind today. Like all good, psycho ex-wives, I did a little Google search and Facebook stalking on him, to see what I could dig up. This is funny because I often go months without thinking about him at all, but lately he’s been on my mind a lot, so I decided to look him up. Being the security conscious, private guy that he is, I didn’t find too much, but what I did find was pretty interesting. He is remarried, living in Utah and (apparently) has a son.

Now this is funny and interesting to me because when we were together, he was completely uninterested in having children of his own, and didn’t particularly care for other people’s children either. This is actually one of the contributing factors to our divorce. So, for him to be photographed smiling happily with an adorable child (which looks an awful lot like him) on his shoulders is, at the very least amusing and at best, completely shocking, at least to me.

There’s a book by Richard Bach called One where the theory is put forward that at every crucial decision point in our lives, an alternate reality splits off where the choice we didn’t take plays itself out in another universe. In the book, the protaganist is able to go back in time and visit those alternate realities to see what life would’ve been like had he made different choices at critical junctures along the way. I’ve always loved that idea and wished that I could visit my own alternate realities because I am often plagued with the “what ifs.” What if I hadn’t divorced my first husband? What if I hadn’t married and then divorced my second husband? What if I’d pursued my childhood dream of dancing or theater or music? What if I’d stayed in Grand Cayman with my best friends when I had the chance?

I don’t regret having been married to my ex, but I will always wonder “what if.” And no, I’m not going to contact him. From what I can tell, he has moved on with his life and has a beautiful wife, a good job, an adorable child and all the trappings of success. It will serve no purpose other than morbid curiosity for me to disturb the equilibrium he has achieved. What I will do is wish him a very happy birthday from way over here in my little corner of the internet.